Leaving on a jet plane.....

On the eve of flying out, I find myself feeling a whole bag of mixed emotions.

Funny isn't it, when you start fantasising about something (time out away for myself) and then that fantasy becomes a reality, you become unsure that you want the fantasy anyway.

Now I sound like an ungrateful wretch. Great. Now I have guilt!

I mean my darling, hardworking husband is basically saying this.....

and rewarding me with something I thought would probably never happen, and I find myself having a little freak out, thinking this......

Part of me really wishes Nev and the kids were coming with me, but I guess that kind of defeats the purpose of all this.

And I think they need a break from me too - it's probably been quite a hard year on them as well, with all the things I've been going through.

It will be good for them to spend some time together - Nev is just so much more relaxed and patient with them and just plain old good fun. I find it quite hard to balance the role of Mum/teacher and "good times Mum". Something I hope will more naturally blend together the longer I homeschool them.

I know my family is really looking forward to seeing me, and as a friend told me today - "this will be so good for you, to just go and be a sister and a daughter again".

True. There aren't many opportunities to feel like this when you are so far away from your family.

I know I will probably spend a lot of time wondering what is happening back here, and missing them like crazy, but I pray that this time away will indeed re-energise me.

I pray that I will come home grateful that God has put me in this beautiful place with this family that I love so much.

And I pray that I will hold my head high as I return wearing the crown of the reigning "Singstar Champion".....