Sunday, January 3, 2010

I haven't written on my blog since last year (sorry, truly pathetic attempt at humour).

At the start of this new year, I'm reminded of my friend Andrew, who gets very excited at the prospect of a new diary - (he is incredibly wierd slightly whacko) - but I do get the general gist of what he is trying to say.

A blank diary is kind of like endless opportunities. There is nothing determined, so anything can happen.

Yep, it's all pretty exciting. All this stepping off into the great unknown. Life - the great adventure.

Actually, I believe that this year will hold much of the same for all of us - you know; work, eat, sleep etc - but there will be those golden moments of unexpectedness that life just kind of chucks at you, and what we will actually do with those moments, is what makes it all so unknown and unchartered.

I was going to borrow Library Girl's New Years' Res. which was along the lines of not stuffing up too much.
On reflection, I think that stuffing up is pretty much a given for me. If I don't stuff things up, then I probably won't learn anything.

So what I have decided my New Years' Res. will be is to stop being such a control freak. I say this with a bit of an aching heart. This is only a fresh discovery. I am a control freak,  and I am a little bit saddened by this.

Two of my lovely friends have pulled me up on something this past week, something that I do for my own personal reasons, which in fact actually hinder other people. It is only something small on the scale of things, but it has caused me to take a good, long look at my life.

And I can see it. I can see those times where I have manipulated things and people to get the outcome that I want. And that not only scares me, it saddens me. I very probably,  have hurt people, and affected things in a negative way.

And I regret that so much.

Now that I have made this painful realisation, I can do something about it.

And that's what a new year is all about isn't it. A chance to begin again. To change the things you did last year, and try something new.

So for me, it will be a year for learning to let go. And being thankful that despite my problems and issues, I am loved anyway.


naughtynanna said...

ouch, self knowledge is a bitch - and growing up hurts! And we DO love you - HEAPS xx.

Karen said...

Nothing like NYears to bring out a good dose of soul searching. Hope you are feeling better and ready to face the adventures that will come with the next decade. (well thats a bit ambitious, lets just do this one day at a time.... actually could we break that up even more? I have so got it together until lunchtime today, after that, I'm winging it babe!)

Saminda said...

Sounds like a lot's been going on up there sister.... I think we need a coffee night! You up for one? xo

Copland said...

I do excited at the prospect of a new diary... and at the prospect of some new dairy, but that's a story for another time...

My prayer for you and you family is that this year will be all you can hope it to be, that the joys will outweigh the sorrows and that you will know more of the grace of God than ever before.

*handl - (noun) a sub species of the human race, known as the Hydrangies, are born with an extra hand at the end of their left arm, this extra hand is known as a 'handl'.