For many years, I've been wanting a tattoo. But the thing is (I'm not sure if this is a well known concept) a tattoo is permanent. Gasp. I didn't see that coming either. No. Seriously. It's there forever and what design would I like enough to have inscribed indelibly on my body for the rest of my life?
There's the obvious of course - the kids names/Nev's name - but hey, they know their names, I know their names, so what would be the point in that. They aren't even very original names. I've joked about the arrow through the heart with the word "Mum" for years, and I don't like to ruin a good joke, so that was out. I was stuck.
I let the idea drift around for a long time, while everyone else around me either got tattoos or announced they were "just off to get inked". Sigh. They didn't have a problem coming up with designs. They didn't seem to be insecure about their decisions. They didn't even seem to second guess themselves.
And then Sarah got another tattoo. It was only small, on the inside of her right wrist. It was in a sort of scribbly writing with little hearts over the "i's". And I loved it.
But the thing is, you shouldn't really get somebody elses' tattoo design on yourself. Especially if she's your big sister and have always kind of looked up to her, wanted to be like her, envied her, etc etc. Just a bit too weird.
But the thing is. Sarah died. (I actually can't believe it's a year tomorrow) So her tattoo was up for grabs.
On Sarah's birthday, which I found painful enough, I went off to "get myself inked". I took the design in to the very sweet, pretty lady (I don't know why I expected a chain smoking, rough talking, tough mother) and she did it. She tattooed me!!!
I now have "a million things....." (you have to imagine the scribbly writing and the little hearts) on the inside of my right forearm. It won't come off, and I absolutely love it. Every time I look at it, I remember my beautiful, crazy, hilarious sister who wanted to remind herself of all the things she had to be thankful for.
It will never go out of style (like some cartoon characters) and it will never be anything less than deeply meaningful for me. So all in all, I've done well. I also want to be thankful for all that I have. For the love of a fantastic husband, two generally wonderful children and a big sister that I will love deeply for the rest of my life.