I've been sitting here looking at my blog for the past few days, frustrated that I have nothing to write about.
Such a sense of under-achievement.
I feel like I have not written anything decent in a long time. You know, the stuff that makes a difference - epiphanies, catharsis etc.
I've had this blog for a little over a year now, and this is my 152nd post. This means that obviously, in the past I did have something to write about. But why is it being so elusive now?
I have a theory.
Every year, there comes a point where I begin to feel restless, a time where I tend to pick apart things in my life and analyse them, question them.
"Should I be doing more of this, less of that, something completely different or maybe nothing at all?"
I'm not sure if this is caused by the whole "end of the year" feeling - where things begin to finish up and you start thinking about the new year and what it may hold, or whether this is something that my personality (anal retentive) demands of me.
I do know that I dislike unfinished things. That I prefer to complete something before going on to the next thing (told ya - anal retentive for sure).
With that in mind, I decided to go back over some of my old posts and see if any inspiration lay in their depths.
About this time last year, Nev and I had decided to head home, back down south to family. "Plan A" suddenly changed and we ended up staying here for another year.
(Hmmm, unfinished business no. 1.)
We were going to go travelling and see a little bit more of the country. I was pretty excited about this - I love exploring new places (unfinished business no.2)
We talked about our "ideal working situation" and realised that we would both love to work part time and home school part time (unfinished business no.3).
Anybody else seeing a pattern here?
Camera House, that Nev has managed for his ex-boss for the past year, is in the process of being sold. Things will undoubtedly change for Nev at work. This may be good, and it may be bad.
Over this past year, Nev has discovered that he can make really, important decisions - decisons that will have a great impact should they go right, and perhaps an even greater impact should they go horribly wrong. In making these decisions, his confidence has returned (I call him "Alphaman" these days!!!!) and he is beginning to look happy with himself again.
And over this past year, I have discovered that I CAN homeschool. We have worked our way through things we don't like, sorted out the things we do like, and have incorporated all of that into a fun, learning journey.
So now that we have discovered these things - things that we may not have discovered if we had left at the end of last year - I feel that we are leaning towards "Plan A" again.
In fact I think it would be fair to say that this year - although a complete divergence from the plan - has been a very important one.
An epiphany for sure.
A catharsis - well maybe.
We are definitely stronger for what we have learnt. We are perhaps more prepared for stepping out into the great unknown.
We seem to have come full circle......