There is a bright, pain-stakingly beautiful, lovingly given, note on my fridge from my 6 year old Ellie. It is covered with butterflies, fairies, unicorns, flowers, balloons etc. and is in varying shades of pink and always catches my eye when I enter the kitchen.
It says "Dear Mummy. I Love you. I hope you get better".
.....at being a mother" I mentally finished the sentence as I passed the fridge in a hurry to yell at somebody who wasn't doing as they were told. It actually took me a few seconds to realise it was something she had made for me not long ago when we were all filthy sick with some horrendous flu and not some subtle sub-conscious attack from my inner self. Or maybe it was.......
I struggle with being a mother. (Gasp....) I love my children desperately. They are gorgeous. But there are days when I just don't want a part of it. I think it is mostly when I am low on energy or really tired or just plain old fed up with the hamster-wheel I feel my life is sometimes.
I pray for patience. I pray for the strength to get through. And just the other day I was thinking "where is all my patience Lord - aren't you supposed to be helping me out with that one?"
Well, just recently I watched Evan Almighty - love it, great movie - and there is a scene that hit me in the back of the head with it's relevance to my life. God is talking to Evan's wife and she enquires of him, "my husband told me, God told him to build an ark. What am I supposed to do with that?" and God replies "well, you could see it as an opportunity. When someone prays for courage do you think God gives them courage or the chance to be courageous? When someone prays for their family to be closer, do you think God fills them with warm fuzzy feelings or the chance to stick together" (or something along those lines anyway).
When someone prays for patience, do you think God gives them patience or the chance to exercise their patience????!!!
Well all I can say is "hang in there Ellie and Harri - with God's help, I'll get better.....