Thursday, September 10, 2009

Sucking the joy right out of me.....

Yesterday, I struggled. Sigh. It started well. We all woke up in good moods. School began well, we got stuck into our "different farms of the world" project (just a side note: we discovered that many rice farms in Asia also raise fish in the flooded rice fields!!! Two crops at once - pretty cool huh!!!) and then came morning tea. Everybody loves morning tea right!!! What could be better than a super sweet local pineapple and some fresh home made chocolate brownies! Mmmmmm!

Not Harri. The boy who finds it hard to eat anything that's good for him, decided under no uncertain terms was he going to eat his pineapple.

"OK, well there's nothing else Harri - the choice is up to you", I said, reasonably calm at this stage. Ellie and I finished our food and headed back downstairs to do a bit more work. "You can join in Harri when you've had your fruit", thinking this would hurry him up a bit.

Anyway, to make a long story short, Harri spent the next few minutes whining constantly, driving me to the point where I couldn't take it anymore.

I snapped at him, he cried, I cried, Ellie cried and I fell into a puddle of depression. The thoughts just kept on spinning through my head, "I can't do this, why me Lord, I'm sending them to school, I'm no good at this, why am I having these same stupid arguments with him all the time etc etc.

After giving up on school and heading back upstairs for a chat and a cuddle with the kids, a thought flashed through my mind. My friend Kim who I walk with in the mornings, said to me just the other day, "You know, I really believe that the devil's main purpose in families, is to try and suck the joy right out of them!"

What a thought provoking comment. And such a timely one for me! The devil doesn't really care whether or not Harri is eating his fruit and vegies - he just cares that it is something that will upset me and make me start feeling like a failure, one of the many ways that he will try to put a divider between me and my son, one of the many ways which he will make me doubt my mothering, and ultimately put a distance between myself and my God.

So, my prayer for today is that I will find joy in all that is around me and hold on tight to a God that fills me with joy, and to love my son whether he eats his apple today or not.


Kylie said...

Thanks Helen. It's my prayer today too. x

Theresa said...

I hear you sista! It has been tough here to with Nathaniel (I know, hard to believe) but after reading your post and Saminda's I too will look for the joy:)